IELTS Essay on number of older people rising in the world

IELTS Essay on number of older people rising in the world

The number of older people around the world is increasing dramatically.

Do the advantages of the trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

6.5 bands IELTS Essay on number of older people rising in the world

Introduction

The rapid development of technology has prolonged people’s lives than ever before, leading to an unprecedented increase in ageing populations. Some people, show a negative attitude toward these elderly, while others believe that they can influence our society in a beneficial way. Close examination reveals that the benefits offset the shortcomings.

Comments:

The second sentence may seem diversion from the main topic of the essay. Also, these sentences do not have a logical connection among themselves. 

Body Paragraph 1 on advantages of having an increasing number of older people

In Indian culture, an adage is imbibed in our hearts that the elderly is a treasure to the world. As these veterans have immense experience and knowledge, they know how to tackle tough times. By grasping these experiences, the current generation can learn to keep their enthusiasm under check and avoid any regrettable decisions. Moreover, though the seniors may not attend office and earn bread, they may counsel millennials, who are often depressed in absence of their working parents.  

Comments

Among the two points, the first one is elaborated, but the second one is too short. Also, if one reviews the paragraph well, both points have similar logic to explain the advantages of having an increasing number of older people in society. Lastly, the paragraph lacks a clear example.

Body Paragraph 2 on how disadvantages of having an increasing number of older people can be overcome

Having said that, these older people are not appealing to all society members from the financial point of view. The pensioners may require monetary assistance in healthcare, accommodation and transportation against which there are no tangible returns. However, this ageing group can practically give back a lot to children and the future generation. In India, there are many instances where daycare for children initiated by the elderly has received a much better response than others as parents hope to imbibe traditions in tiny minds. Who better can do this work than the senior citizens?

Comments

The opposing side is not explained well. But at the same time, the solution offered to overcome the problems of having too many elders in society is well elaborated. Also, the example, in this case, is convincing.

End Paragraph

Admittedly, the elderly indeed may affect society financially; however, their contribution to restoring the new generation of the country can be humongous. Personally speaking, our elders contribute their life to create the society we currently have. It is our responsibility and obligation to take care of them.

Comments:

The end paragraph summarises the points well and clarifies the writer’s point of view as well.

For more ideas on the topic, watch the videos.

8 bands IELTS Essay on number of older people rising in the world

The essay written below tries to overcome the problems of the previous essay. You may find the language used and style of writing much simpler and easier to understand.

Introduction

In the past, all age groups in the human population were balanced; however, nowadays, the number of older people is increasing globally due to improved medical practices. Looking at this trend, one must analyse the merits and demerits of having too many seniors among us. In my view, they can complement our modern lifestyle.

Comments

The introduction paragraph focuses precisely on the scope of the essay. Also, the sentences are well connected. 

Body Paragraph 1 on advantages of having an increasing number of older people

There are multiple advantages of having an increasing number of pensioners amongst us. Today, both parents pursue a career and work most of the days of their week. As a result, they are cannot pay attention to their children. Having a grandparent in such circumstances can prove instrumental as they can take care of their grandchildren while parents are busy, restoring a balance in a family. For example, in our family, while I and my wife work, my parents spend most of their time with my toddler. Consequently, I need not be worried about my child’s upbringing and health as I trust my parent’s judgement more than any outsider’s.

Comments:

Instead of repeating the two points like in the previous essay, the author includes only one point with one clear example from experience.

Body Paragraph 2 on disadvantages of having too many elders and solution

On the other hand, a few may complain that not each older adults can contribute so as they have no place in a nuclear family. Thus, such elders become a burden on taxpayers in society. Well, seniors have life experience. As a result, with the help of technology, they can run counselling centres where youngsters are counselled on life decisions or career choices. Also, they can run daycare centres for children, imparting values to the young minds. Such enterprises not solve contemporary lifestyle issues but also make elders self-sufficient. They may feel needed in society and may lead happy life. 

Comments:

The points made in the second paragraph are similar to those made in the previous essay, but here the author ensures a better flow of ideas and precise use of linking words.

End Paragraph

In the end, I believe that having many older people is beneficial for all of us as they can be solid support for the younger generation. Also, they can teach children about the values and traditions of our cultures.

For more ideas on the topic, watch this video.

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