You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
The essay below was written by one of our students before joining our coaching. We analysed the issues and offered a few suggestions. The sample after this is by the same person after five weeks of coaching.
Who does not want to become a celebrity? Everyone wants to be famous and rich in their work. However, they always have benefits as well as problems. Let’s begin with difficulties faced by the celebrity. If you are a celebrity so it’s an of social life not inside but outer world. You cannot go without security to any place. You will treat like a special one, not a common man. Cannot spend time for outdoor activities, and you are limited to some restrictions. For example, Sachin Tendulkar doesn’t go market to purchase vegetables and outdoor exercise because of security concerns. Sometimes it can be threatening to your life. If celebrities stuck in crowd during promotional events that can lead to injury or traumatic moment for them. It happens most commonly if any star comes in public areas for their
On the other hand, it is more beneficence also. A celebrity becomes a globally known face as well as a idol for many peoples. Their work and achievements give them a new identity. They being more loved and respected by a nation. For example, Ronaldo is known face in football in world. He is known for his game and 3rd richest footballer in the world.
Moreover, celebrities live a posh life as they earn more and spend more for their needs. They live in high standard societies, travel in private vehicles and always be priorities in many places.
To summarize, being a celebrity can restrict you from few places, affect social life, and be life-threatening in few conditions. It gives you fame globally as well as a posh, by which you can make your dream true. Finally, I can say it have more benefits than problems.
Firstly, the essay has hardly any introduction as the author starts enlisting the problems of being a celebrity from the third sentence itself. Also, there are two different paragraphs for explaining the benefits. So, the paragraphing is poor.
Secondly, the points are not explained at all. The author should have provided some reasoning for each point. For example, if the problem was explained why the media stars don’t get any privacy in a bit logical way, the point could have been more convincing.
Lastly, the examples are not much relevant to the point explained. Also, the statement about the famous Indian cricketer Sachin Tendulkar is an absolute statement which must have been avoided.
The arrangement and flows of ideas are shabby. So, the problem of paragraphing affects not only the task response but also the coherence and cohesion.
Moreover, there are a few half-sentences which are not completed. As a result, the reader cannot comprehend the author’s view, creating discontinuities.
Although linked words used sometimes, they are not enough to save this essay.
Although many words are used satisfactorily, the author lacks control over the words.
For example, …it is more beneficence also…
Now, the word ‘beneficence’ is clearly used incorrectly.
There are a few similar instances as well; however, this stands among all.
As said earlier half-sentences not only affect the meaning but this criterion as well. Although the tenses are used appropriately most of the times, the author fails to have a variety of sentences.
Now as said earlier read the essay written by the same student.
In the past, society comprised a few media stars as the media industry was in the early stages; however, their number has risen exponentially with growing social media and public platforms. Looking at this trend, one must analyse the pros and cons of being a well-known person. In my opinion, the benefits of being a celebrity outweigh its problems.
Once a person achieves stardom, people follow them blindly as everyone believes that these stars have reached the pinnacle of their field. Such appreciation instils a sense of achievement in the media cynosures. Additionally, with fame, a well-renowned person also earns a lot of money, enabling them to lead a very lavish lifestyle. They can travel to an exquisite destination and buy anything they feel like, without any budget concern. For instance, Amitabh Bachhan, an Indian movie star, has achieved both in his life. He has a lot of money to buy cars and houses, as well as enjoys goodwill.
On the other hand, the primary concern a celebrity has is lack of privacy. Fans and paparazzi always surround them; so they cannot relax and enjoy their holidays without being stared at. However, most of the times, they tackle this problem by going to a tourist destination where nobody knows them. At such places, these celebrities are just regular foreigners who have come for a holiday.
For example, the Indian cricketer “Kohli” planned his wedding in a small province in Spain. Nobody knew where he travelled to and why. Thus, later it was revealed that they had a lovely wedding ceremony without prying eyes and flashing cameras.
In summary, a celebrity earns a lot of money and has a lot of followers from fame. Although they lose their privacy, they go to foreign lands to relax and spend some quality leisure time. So, in my opinion, there are more advantages to becoming a celebrity than disadvantages.
The essay has covered many ideas; however, they could have explained in a better way. Still, they suffice the purpose. Also, the examples appropriately complement the points mentioned by the author.
The ideas are stitched well in the essay with the help of linking devices. However, it could have been helpful if each body paragraph could have used introductory statements. Lack of introductory remarks doesn’t tell the reader what to expect in the paragraph.
Variety of words are used appropriately. There are a few repetitions of the words for sure, but most of the times they are avoided very well.
Almost all of the sentences are well structured. Also, the author shows a decent variety of sentences.