You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
The diagram illustrates the stages and equipment required in the process of manufacturing cement and the usage of amounts in the production of concrete, which is used for the purpose of the building.
Overall, the first diagram shows all the steps required for the production of cement like crushing, mixing heating, grinding, packing and the usage of the final product along with few other raw materials. Whereas, concrete production is depicted in the second diagram. Cement production involves more steps as compared to the production of concrete but the former requires less number of raw materials than the latter. Concrete is the final output which is directly used for the building process, whereas cement is a semi-finished product and needs further processing.
Firstly, limestone and clay are turned into powder by putting them in a crusher. This powder is then mixed in a mixer, after which it is put in a rotating heater. Here, this mixture is heated by applying heat externally. Then the mixture passes through a grinder, and fine cement is produced, which then is packed in a bag for further usage.
Secondly, this cement along with water, sand and gravel, as per specified proportions, is put in a concrete mixer. The concrete mixer rotates, thereby producing the final output, i.e. concrete which is directly used for building purposes.
The author addresses almost all the instructions of the task. On the first glance, enough number of linking devices are used. Also, the usage of words and grammatical structures are acceptable.
The author unnecessarily wrote the last sentence in the overview paragraph.
Concrete is the final output which is directly used for the building process, whereas cement is a semi-finished product and needs further processing.
Although the information in the sentence above is accurate, it is not presented anywhere on the diagram. You must avoid any temptation to offer any piece of information which is not mentioned in the chart.
You may observe that in case both the body paragraphs, the writer has missed the introductory statement. A simple statement, such as given below, would have been sufficient at the beginning of body paragraph 1.
There are broadly five steps to manufacture cement.
Having this simple statement can give the reader an idea that they will read about cement manufacturing.
Similar is the case for body paragraph 2.
You may notice that at the beginning of body paragraph 1 and 2, the two linking words used are firstly and secondly. Well, these words are not used correctly. These linking devices are used when you are listing down something.
Lastly, you may notice that although the second diagram depicts the proportion of ingredients explicitly, the author forgot to mention it in the actual report.
The first diagram illustrates the stages and equipment used in cement production, while the second diagram shows concrete manufacturing.
The cement production involves five stages, a straightforward process that begins with the mixing of raw materials and reaches a finale in the packaging of new cement. Making concrete is a simple process that involves mixing four ingredients in a concrete mixer.
Overall, the first diagram shows the equipment and the process of cement making. Limestone and clay are simultaneously passed through the crusher to form powder which is then mixed before passing it through a rotating heater. Once heated, this mixture is ground through a grinder. Now that the cement has been produced, it is packed into bags.
At the same time, the second diagram shows the concrete production process. For the production, the concrete mixture needs four ingredients and a concrete mixer. The concrete mix comprises half a portion of gravel (small stones), a quarter portion of sand, 10% water and 15% cement. All of these are added together in a cylindrical drum and rotate until the concrete is produced.
The author almost avoids all mistakes committed in the previous report. The introduction and overview are precise. Even the body paragraphs are much more fluent and connected well.
The linking word ‘overall’ at the beginning of the first body paragraph was unnecessary. It is usually used when you are about to start a summary or a conclusion.